Things I Learned As A Single Mom

In no particular order...

• Vacuuming is a great way to play chase and get some housework done at the same time. Unless your child is scared of the vacuum. And then it would be a great way to get some alone time.
• No matter what they say, sippy cups will leak.
• Play groups are survival 101 for stay-at-home moms.
• I never got my copy of survival 101 for stay-at-home moms.
• There is a fortune to be made in the invention of a hip holster for baby wipes.
• Getting multiple children in and out of the car may very well be the most complex problem solving skill ever.
• 16 months is plenty old enough to play outside alone.
• If you think your house is kid-proofed, get on the phone or start breastfeeding another child.
• Bathing is for wimps.
• Kids climb up stairs much faster when you're not looking.
• Any additional lessons were miraculously wiped clean from my memory - kind of like the pain of childbirth.

I'm a wimp

Half the battle in life is figuring out what our strengths and weaknesses are and not being afraid to own them.

I'm a wimp. I freely admit it. After a week on my own with the kids I cannot wait for Pat to walk through that door tomorrow morning! Single parents and stay-at-home moms everywhere have my greatest respect!

Don't get me wrong. Not for one second did I think this would be easy. And I fully recognize that many others have it much tougher than I do! For many, it's not a temporary situation. Others have 3, 4 or more children, special needs children or few resources. As a young child, Pat's dad was on the road most of the week while his mom was home with Pat and his sister (14 months younger) and NO CAR! Can you even imagine? Not me. Nor do I want to.

There are a lot of things I do very well.

Make a beautiful 4 course meal. No problem.

Get 50,000 people to a rally with 3 days notice. Done.

Plan my own wedding in 3 weeks. Easy peasy.

Manage 2 kids under 16 months by myself for a week - whoa, now you're asking too much!

I can deal with massive political campaigns and candidates and all their nonsense in the same casual way some moms can deal with getting 2 (or more) kids plus all their groceries in the cart! How do they do that???

I know this about myself. I clearly remember that I wasn't so sure at first. I didn't want to go back to work after Sydney was born. I saw other moms at home with their kids doing fun projects and crafts and taking great field trips. They seemed so fulfilled and I thought that's what I needed to be too. The first day she went to daycare I didn't even get out of the door before I started blubbering. I was a bad mom. But I quickly recognized that wasn't my calling. Giving birth changes a lot of things (A LOT - another blog post) but I'm still me. I still need a career. And it makes me a better mom.

I often say that I love my kids... enough to send them to daycare during the week! They get to spend the day with people whose passion in life is kids! And I get to love on them and truly enjoy every moment when they come home rather than count the minutes until bedtime. If life changed course and they stayed home with me full-time, I would deal with it and we would all be fine but I am thankful to have the option to work.

I'm sure I'll cry again on Monday when the both go to daycare here for the first time. Especially because it will be Fletcher's first time away. Because I'm a wimp.

My son is rotten

Warning - this is a total mom post.

There's sort of this unspoken rule among moms that all conversations must eventually turn to the topic of poop. So, being a mom, this post is about poop. But it's baby poop - a little more socially acceptable.

I was breastfeeding my son just now. I'm nearing the end of my breastfeeding days as I'm going back to work full-time and this is our last baby so I really cherish these moments. There is something very sweet about feeding your child - one of the many miracles of birth and motherhood that is hard to describe. I especially love feeding him before he goes to bed at night or early in the morning when the house is quiet, there's no pressure to be anywhere else or doing anything else (except maybe sleeping). It's just me and him. It's a sweet and fleeting time.

So anyway, I'm feeding him, looking at his angelic little face and precious hands... and then suddenly I am overwhelmed with a rank, rotten scent. I want to run away. Remember the phrase from your youth silent but violent? Yeah, that's him.

For some reason, about 6 weeks ago, he started only pooping once every 24 to 48 hours. Highly unusual for a 2 month old baby. It didn't seem to bother him but I called the pediatrician to see if I should be concerned. They said to try some karo syrup in his bottle but as long as he does eventually go, he's fine. Ok. We tried that for a few days but it didn't seem to help move things along any faster. I soon concluded this is apparently just the way he is made.

Hey, it's easier on me. Rarely do I worry about being prepared for the embarrassing blow-out in public or aggravation of never-ending laundry due to leaky diapers (now it's just due to spitting up). But man, does he generate some foul gas! This is no little baby toot either. There's nothing at all dainty or baby-like about what he's expelling into the air. And let me tell you, the closer he gets to that 48 hour mark, the more disgusting he gets. It will bring tears to your eyes. If it weren't a baby, you would hurl the offensive thing as far away from you as possible. He's 3 months old and can clear a room. He really should be required to wear a hazardous gas warning sign at all times.

Then it occurred to me - that he will think this is the coolest and funniest thing ever. For the rest of his life. Probably thank me for it too.

The offender...

The Best Day Ever!

OK, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. My beloved husband did leave this morning for a week in Angola, Africa which immediately disqualifies this day from the best ever. But it's pretty far up there. Especially when you consider the kind of week this has been.

A few days ago I had one of the worst days ever. Seriously, it was bad. I won't bore you with all the gory details but let's suffice it to say that by the end of the day I was on the floor, one kid in each arm, a chorus of cries. Poor Pat came home from work a few minutes later to find the baby sleeping peacefully, the toddler eating dinner but his wife still blubbering over the sink.

But I rally quickly and the next day set forth with a plan to make it all better. My main issue was lack of child care as I am working and trying to go back to work on a more full-time basis now that we are in our new city.

We scouted daycares as soon as we found this house and discovered a great one just a few minutes away. But they had a wait list and it would be May or later before both kids could be enrolled. We tried to hire a nanny in the meantime but it was a miserable mess and I quickly realized that trying to work from home, hiding from the kids while they were cared for in another part of the house had failure written all over it. So back to plan A - daycare.

I found another daycare about 10 minutes away that could take both kids immediately. I took a tour and felt like it could be a decent short-term option. On the way home, I decided to stop at our favorite daycare where we were wait listed and try to persuade them with our super adorable kids. I think Syd and Fletch were feeling the weight of this meeting as well and they dutifully turned on the charm!

Miracle #1 - Lo and behold, they called this morning - space had opened up and they are able to take Sydney week after next! But space for Fletcher probably wouldn't be available for several months. I made the tough decision to enroll the kids in separate centers - Fletcher is young enough to transition easily but we didn't want to move Sydney twice.

Miracle #2 - I received another call from our favorite daycare this afternoon that they had space for Fletcher too! I'm tellin' ya - cute kids... who can resist!

Miracle #3 - And this one was over the top. Almost too much for me to handle in one day. I have also been praying about finding some friends here. Our neighborhood seems ripe for families with young kids but the weather has been lousy, rainy and cold since we moved in keeping everyone indoors. And I still have another whole week to make it through before daycare starts, with both of the kids. All day. And night. By myself. I know people do this all the time but for the life of me don't know how. But that's a conversation for another day.

The door bell rang. Standing there in front of me was a mom and her two cute kids, bundled in their little red wagon. She introduced herself, her 3 year old boy and 16 month old girl! Our neighbors! Only two doors down! I was so stunned and overwhelmed I had to ask her name twice. And she was easy and fun to talk to.

Immediately I knew she could be a friend - and I'm quite certain she pegged me as a clinger! Sydney was playing on the steps, in the bitter cold, no coat, nose running off her face. But I didn't care. Her chicken nuggets were becoming small hockey pucks in the oven. Let them burn the house down! A FRIEND! I was giddy!

And before I knew it, desperation all over my face - I blurted out, "I hope I'm not being too forward but could we schedule a play date with our kids this weekend?" Thankfully I didn't scare her. I bet we laugh about this encounter soon.

So we have childcare. For both kids. And new friends for all! A very good day indeed!

In all seriousness, it was a good reminder of God's goodness and faithfulness. It is my own faith-less-ness that sometimes gets in the way. He is good and I am so thankful and humble to be one of His!

I've Done It...

So I've finally done it. Started blogging. And why not now? We just moved into a new house, in a new town, with two young babies and my husband has gone out of the country for a week. Sure, I have plenty of time. But then again, this is where I thrive. Right in the thick of things.

I have considered writing a blog for a long time. For no other reason than a selfish, creative outlet for me. A way to write the way I want to write. Informal and conversational. Whatever, whenever. To feel as though I'm having a cup of coffee or glass of wine, sharing life with my girlfriends - many of whom after this last move are now plane rides, not car rides, away.

This move is what finally inspired me to begin writing. Not only did a move with two small kids generate a LOT of content, I wanted a way to share our daily lives and other randomness with the many people we love who are far away. I must credit my not-so-creative sister, Ashley (she is amazing in many other ways but would whole-heartedly agree with that label), for the name of the blog. I was at a loss and she suggested it as a cute play on "into the fray". I can't think of a better way to describe my life!

I have no expectations for this and neither should you. This is not about cooking, wine, crafts, photography, religion, politics or any other greater purpose - although all of those things might be discussed. This is simply dedicated the journey of life and all that ensues along the way.

Welcome to Into The Frahers!